🌕 In My Experience… The Steps Are the Path
it's a full moon in capricorn 🌕
Hi friends
By the time you get this, I will be just beginning two weeks of co-teaching my first in person retreats since 2019. I am thrilled. I’m also very grateful to feel strong enough to do so. Thank you to my incredible body, to Frederic, to all my amazing friends and loved ones, to my doctors and health care teams, to my various body workers, to the forces of mystery and magic that grace me everyday… it takes a medium-sized metropolis to raise this being.
I hope you are well, and enjoying whatever season you find yourself in. Below is a full moon installment of In My Experience…
With much love,
Sebene
p.s. The pic above is from Vallecitos Mountain Retreat Center, where I’ll be teaching. You can donate here to support their First Indigenous Peoples’ Retreat this fall. Thank you for anything you can offer.
How do you know if you are stepping into your purpose?
Dear The Steps Are the Path
Thank you for this question; it’s an inquiry that I work with often. In the past, searching for my purpose could feel frustrating or like a burden. Now, I appreciate my good fortune to explore and delight in this process of discovery. Even if sometimes it seems never ending, it does not have to be unpleasant. I could write this response differently every day — there are so many ways to hear our calling — here and here are recent thoughts of mine (the second with resources).
In My Experience… the more I make space for aligning to my specific desires, to my true talents, to joyful inspirations; the more I let go the need to idealize and/or imitate anyone else; the more I enjoy my path — the closer I step into my purpose.
I spent years in an “Are You My Mother?” kind of quest for my purpose, trying to copy other people who seemed to have purpose. Sometimes I was waaaaay off. Like when I was much younger and (briefly) considered studying law. That was me trying to follow my dad’s purpose. Once I started releasing familial expectations, I veered closer towards my own desires (like by majoring in religious and women’s studies even if they had no foreseeable practical purpose — “writing and teaching spiritual stuff emphasizing the feminine” was not on my radar as a “job” back then). This was an important step in honoring my desires and interests — it sounds simple, but its not always easy to choose what we like rather than what others would like for us to like.
Another knot I had to untangle is an idea of what is truly “useful” in our world. Because of a deep desire to have impact and affect positive change, I spent two decades working in community & youth development, social justice, and international emergency work. I enjoyed some of it, I learned a lot, and I hope I did some good. I also now know that type of work is not my true purpose. Much of it required an immense amount of contact with people. I like people. I am good at people stuff. Also, I find it incredibly draining to do peopling full time. By nature, I am a social introvert (2/4 Hermit Opportunist for you Human Design people out there). I do get a lot of inspiration and pleasure being with others. And I need a MASSIVE amount of time alone in order to recharge. Many years of working with large groups left me very drained — also because I have a lot of close friendships, and the social part of me longed to spend time with them as well. People stuff (coordinating, managing, directing) is a skill of mine, but it’s not my true talent.
While working for all those great organizations, I was also developing my meditation and spiritual practice. Spending time in silence with others helped satisfy my need for solitude while also cultivating community. However, I also have a great yearning for art, music, dance and expression that silent practice spaces do not fulfill. My tendency to idealize others who are in their purpose led to me to imitate people and practices that ultimately did not light me up. I have a voracious appetite for learning — during the pandemic I delved deeply into self study of astrology and the aforementioned Human Design, as well as guided study of tarot and numerology. At my happiest, I read, collage, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, scribble notes, create study opportunities with friends, journal, write this newsletter, and also take plenty of dance breaks. None of this has any logical “purpose.” Also, I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! Joy and inspiration have become the clearest guides on my path.I used to regret how long it’s taking me to find my purpose, but now I recognize it is a continuous process and all the individual steps are the “stepping into.” On my unique path, I am am constantly learning and I have a lot of amazing experiences along the way. When I I feel aligned to my purpose-process, my intuition and imagination are amplified and synchronicities and possibilities emerge naturally.
There’s so much more I could say (including all the resources and coaching that help me). I will end by emphasizing that following our deepest desires and delights is a radical move. At any age! I believe purpose can (should?) be pleasurable. It does not always make sense in the moment. For example, all practical advice would have me “monetize” this newsletter through Substack (and that is the absolute right move for some) — for now, I enjoy writing and sharing like this. My choice is NOT morally better!! Purpose and profit do not have to be linked, AND, I pray for a world where each of us is abundantly supported (including through cash money dollar bills!) to pursue our purpose.
May we all find joy in each step that lead us on our unique path.