Hi Sebene, I’m reading this in London as the sun rises. Thank you for so eloquently expressing the sometimes agony of living and ageing. As a middle aged women, the line, ‘The only other option to not getting old is getting dead’ particularly resonated. I need to find more reasons not to dislike my aging face and body. Besides being a huge waste of time and the wrong side of vanity it also ignores all the wisdom I have accumulated. Thank you for the reminder ❤️🙏
I love your wonderful new word,“ageful.” It offers a positive view of aging, so rare in our culture. I’m going to start using it! At 76 (trombones), I like to think I’m still dropping some good acorns here and there…
Feeling sort of out of sorts for a few days now. Your writing always uplifts my spirits Sebene. Thank you again, as another fellow ageing woman. I’ll think about being an old oak tree today.
Thank you for taking the time to share such beautiful wisdom. I’m currently en route to Belgium from Amsterdam; it’s an overcast morning with a bit of fog, nature at its finest! This was the first time I’ve been able to sit and read your message in its entirety, I loved it, all of it. I could envision everything you described. I also felt a sense of calm or maybe an awakening but whatever it is - Thank you.
Heavy on the ISH! I’m still decoupling from the inner critic that tries to sell me on perfection being the only way to do anything correctly, so thanks for the reminder to be gentle with myself.
I also recently surfaced for someone how their compliment sparked some internal confusion for me — I know people mean well when they say I look youthful but also (as I’ve heard someone say before) I’ve earned and am actively working on being ageFUL! ‘Not having wrinkles’, which I certainly do and will have, is not what I want to base my feel goods around... Not for too long anyway :)
Hi Sebene 💕 Deep gratitude for you. It always brings me great joy to read your offerings and wisdom and I cannot thank you enough. 🙏❤️
After reading this I thought of something in respects to the elders that I forgot, especially being assimilated into the Western world, it was white washed from me.
I don’t know if you heard of this, in the Philippines there is this honoring-gesture called Pagmamano or Mano po, it’s when the person giving the the greeting (younger than the person receiving the greeting) bows towards the hand of the elder and presses their forehead on the elders hand, usually the right hand, saying “Mano Po or bless po”, upon entry into the home or upon seeing them. Even though the word Mano originates from our Spanish colonizers apparently this gesture dates back to pre colonial times stemming from the value of family. In fact apparently, well they exist now, Nursing home or Old folks homes were unheard of in the Philippines.
So I know that you love paradoxes, I find this gesture so beautiful and ugly. Beautiful in regard to honoring our elders and ancestors and Ugly as harm that was caused to bow to power and royalty. And perhaps the difference between veneration and idolization, anyway don’t get me started because I could go on about that…
I remember not so long ago, I had a cousin visiting from the Philippines and he came into the house and the first thing he did was Mano po to my biological mother and I was in awe. I thought, wow, I never do that. I had a feeling of guilt and tenderness in my heart because she was shown respect, which was rare, when most of her life she was shown disrespect, being an unwed teenage mother and living as a brown immigrant in a white world..Honestly, I think it made her uncomfortable too. I’m wondering what it would be like to do this again, perhaps weird at first? Perhaps worth it, in honoring and remembering those that should be honored and not because of power over..
Thank you Sebene and deep bow to you and “Mano Po” ❤️
Oh wow. Thank you Farah. This is so interesting to me also bc we have rituals and gestures in my culture that also express veneration and respect. And they’re also coded around gender in was that are highly messed up. I really appreciate you sharing this. I feel like this essay could be a book! 😂 I left so much out…
Oooh I would love to know what those rituals and gestures are. I’m always curious to know about other cultures and how it may perhaps align with mine, in the truth of we are connected and not the same 💕🙏🏽
Thank you for this beautiful and much needed reminder this morning! Being a newer “aged” middle aged woman, I frequently contemplate how my closest friends are 15-35 years beyond me in their time on earth and wisdom. I appreciate their kindness and friendship and this helps me to remind myself to spend less time focusing of the optics of youth and more time gathering acorns. 🩷Thank you again.
So many gems, here. Gus seems more approachable than Capital G God. I’ll have to work that into my routines. Also, the older I get, the more comfortable I am in my own skin. Not *literally* because I also have surgically induced lymphedema, but definitely psychologically 🙂 Every birthday is a gift!
I LOVE this! As a 57 year old about to embark on a yet another life change via college, I struggle with being relevant and starting over yet again… hoping this time I get it right. Telling myself I HAVE already got it right, and I’m not too old… that it’s all a journey anyhow, not a destination and trying to embrace my body’s wrinkles and sagging despite all my running and working out and healthy living… ugh. I AM EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE and damn it, I like being 57.
Thank you for your candidness and sharing your vulnerabilities, you are such a beacon of light. ❤️
Invisibility... such an interesting feeling - or today I question it as a delusion of separateness. Maybe I feel invisible as a I give in to the social conditioning... but maybe, today, I refuse to be invisible.
I’m not certain what you mean by “a delusion of separateness”. I’m 71 now, and my experience is very different from when I was ten or twenty years younger. I am also able to make myself ‘visible’., yet that is not what I was referring to. What I was referring to when I said we age into invisibility is that as I walk down a street, people tend to bump into me more (as if I wasn’t there), people no longer look at me as they used to (I cannot catch someone’s eye to offer a smile) and my voice is now blended into the group of boomers by those who are stepping into their influential years 30-50. Ageism is a real thing. I agree it is social conditioning here in the US, as very few elders are honored.
I agree with you Teyani. So sorry I wasn’t clear. Your experience is real and respected. I sense and feel invisible at times too. I meant the conditioned perspective is delusional - to our existence. Your felt-experience is not a delusion. I agree fully.
6 hrs ago·edited 6 hrs agoLiked by Sebene Selassie
Hello - I am Ageful. I am female, and 60 years curious and wise. I feel seen & heard. Your essay touched every cell in my body and my heart. You had no idea that I worked 8 years on a dissertation about the Council Oak Tree in Tulsa that through a school name change - connects the past to the future, indigenous roots, and plants seeds into the lives of teachers, children in the school community that is now named Council Oak School. I embrace the image of ageful, like this beautiful tree - the place where Tulsa received it's name. Like the tree, I have indigenous roots. My great grandmothers are Indigenous, although thier tribal backgrounds are unknown. My PhD is in Education - Social Foundations - an anthropological, historical, sociological and philosophical research degree. I thought my dream was to teach in a particular college context, but now I am allowing my dreams to unfold.
I keep telling all my middle age peers, I’m getting better with age. They usually laugh but also it gets them to think. Same page, Sebene. Same page 💜🌟💜
Hi Sebene, I’m reading this in London as the sun rises. Thank you for so eloquently expressing the sometimes agony of living and ageing. As a middle aged women, the line, ‘The only other option to not getting old is getting dead’ particularly resonated. I need to find more reasons not to dislike my aging face and body. Besides being a huge waste of time and the wrong side of vanity it also ignores all the wisdom I have accumulated. Thank you for the reminder ❤️🙏
Thanks for reading and sharing Sinead. I’m glad to know it resonates across the ocean! 💓🫶🏾💓
I love your wonderful new word,“ageful.” It offers a positive view of aging, so rare in our culture. I’m going to start using it! At 76 (trombones), I like to think I’m still dropping some good acorns here and there…
Thank Holly! More new words!! ☀️🙌🏾☀️
Feeling sort of out of sorts for a few days now. Your writing always uplifts my spirits Sebene. Thank you again, as another fellow ageing woman. I’ll think about being an old oak tree today.
So happy to know this supports you Sharon. Thanks for being here. ☀️💓☀️
How beautiful. Thank you for these thousands of acorns, Sebene.
I luff you. 💗
Thank you for taking the time to share such beautiful wisdom. I’m currently en route to Belgium from Amsterdam; it’s an overcast morning with a bit of fog, nature at its finest! This was the first time I’ve been able to sit and read your message in its entirety, I loved it, all of it. I could envision everything you described. I also felt a sense of calm or maybe an awakening but whatever it is - Thank you.
May the awakenings continue!! 💓🙌🏾💓
Heavy on the ISH! I’m still decoupling from the inner critic that tries to sell me on perfection being the only way to do anything correctly, so thanks for the reminder to be gentle with myself.
I also recently surfaced for someone how their compliment sparked some internal confusion for me — I know people mean well when they say I look youthful but also (as I’ve heard someone say before) I’ve earned and am actively working on being ageFUL! ‘Not having wrinkles’, which I certainly do and will have, is not what I want to base my feel goods around... Not for too long anyway :)
Yes to decoupling perfection and to embracing wrinkles!! May we all celebrate whatever age we are with love and abundance!! 💓🥳💓
Hi Sebene 💕 Deep gratitude for you. It always brings me great joy to read your offerings and wisdom and I cannot thank you enough. 🙏❤️
After reading this I thought of something in respects to the elders that I forgot, especially being assimilated into the Western world, it was white washed from me.
I don’t know if you heard of this, in the Philippines there is this honoring-gesture called Pagmamano or Mano po, it’s when the person giving the the greeting (younger than the person receiving the greeting) bows towards the hand of the elder and presses their forehead on the elders hand, usually the right hand, saying “Mano Po or bless po”, upon entry into the home or upon seeing them. Even though the word Mano originates from our Spanish colonizers apparently this gesture dates back to pre colonial times stemming from the value of family. In fact apparently, well they exist now, Nursing home or Old folks homes were unheard of in the Philippines.
So I know that you love paradoxes, I find this gesture so beautiful and ugly. Beautiful in regard to honoring our elders and ancestors and Ugly as harm that was caused to bow to power and royalty. And perhaps the difference between veneration and idolization, anyway don’t get me started because I could go on about that…
I remember not so long ago, I had a cousin visiting from the Philippines and he came into the house and the first thing he did was Mano po to my biological mother and I was in awe. I thought, wow, I never do that. I had a feeling of guilt and tenderness in my heart because she was shown respect, which was rare, when most of her life she was shown disrespect, being an unwed teenage mother and living as a brown immigrant in a white world..Honestly, I think it made her uncomfortable too. I’m wondering what it would be like to do this again, perhaps weird at first? Perhaps worth it, in honoring and remembering those that should be honored and not because of power over..
Thank you Sebene and deep bow to you and “Mano Po” ❤️
Oh wow. Thank you Farah. This is so interesting to me also bc we have rituals and gestures in my culture that also express veneration and respect. And they’re also coded around gender in was that are highly messed up. I really appreciate you sharing this. I feel like this essay could be a book! 😂 I left so much out…
Thank you for sharing. Appreciate you too! 💓🫶🏾💗
Oooh I would love to know what those rituals and gestures are. I’m always curious to know about other cultures and how it may perhaps align with mine, in the truth of we are connected and not the same 💕🙏🏽
Thank you for this beautiful and much needed reminder this morning! Being a newer “aged” middle aged woman, I frequently contemplate how my closest friends are 15-35 years beyond me in their time on earth and wisdom. I appreciate their kindness and friendship and this helps me to remind myself to spend less time focusing of the optics of youth and more time gathering acorns. 🩷Thank you again.
Thanks for reading Elise. Much love to you. 💗
Thank you so much. I missed out Sunday time so this was a special gift.
Yay Saundra! 💗🥰💗
So many gems, here. Gus seems more approachable than Capital G God. I’ll have to work that into my routines. Also, the older I get, the more comfortable I am in my own skin. Not *literally* because I also have surgically induced lymphedema, but definitely psychologically 🙂 Every birthday is a gift!
A gift indeed! Thanks for reading and sharing Sarah. 💓🫶🏾💓
I LOVE this! As a 57 year old about to embark on a yet another life change via college, I struggle with being relevant and starting over yet again… hoping this time I get it right. Telling myself I HAVE already got it right, and I’m not too old… that it’s all a journey anyhow, not a destination and trying to embrace my body’s wrinkles and sagging despite all my running and working out and healthy living… ugh. I AM EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE and damn it, I like being 57.
Thank you for your candidness and sharing your vulnerabilities, you are such a beacon of light. ❤️
Congratulations Cyn! That’s so exciting. And, yes, you have gotten is so right! Very happy for you. xox
So glad you stuck out your arm like a proverbial crossing guard!! That is most excellent.
It is surely a challenge to age into invisibility, as all of us older women do. The US is completely designed for the young, isn’t it.
I am that auntie on the train telling kids not to eat chips for breakfast — they always look at me like “why is this old lady tlaking to me!!??” LOL.
Invisibility... such an interesting feeling - or today I question it as a delusion of separateness. Maybe I feel invisible as a I give in to the social conditioning... but maybe, today, I refuse to be invisible.
I’m not certain what you mean by “a delusion of separateness”. I’m 71 now, and my experience is very different from when I was ten or twenty years younger. I am also able to make myself ‘visible’., yet that is not what I was referring to. What I was referring to when I said we age into invisibility is that as I walk down a street, people tend to bump into me more (as if I wasn’t there), people no longer look at me as they used to (I cannot catch someone’s eye to offer a smile) and my voice is now blended into the group of boomers by those who are stepping into their influential years 30-50. Ageism is a real thing. I agree it is social conditioning here in the US, as very few elders are honored.
I agree with you Teyani. So sorry I wasn’t clear. Your experience is real and respected. I sense and feel invisible at times too. I meant the conditioned perspective is delusional - to our existence. Your felt-experience is not a delusion. I agree fully.
"feeling my feelings (currently about my worsening lymphedema) and dropping the stories. " Thank. You. As ever.
❤️🫶🏾❤️
Hello - I am Ageful. I am female, and 60 years curious and wise. I feel seen & heard. Your essay touched every cell in my body and my heart. You had no idea that I worked 8 years on a dissertation about the Council Oak Tree in Tulsa that through a school name change - connects the past to the future, indigenous roots, and plants seeds into the lives of teachers, children in the school community that is now named Council Oak School. I embrace the image of ageful, like this beautiful tree - the place where Tulsa received it's name. Like the tree, I have indigenous roots. My great grandmothers are Indigenous, although thier tribal backgrounds are unknown. My PhD is in Education - Social Foundations - an anthropological, historical, sociological and philosophical research degree. I thought my dream was to teach in a particular college context, but now I am allowing my dreams to unfold.
Quite an oak legacy! Thanks for sharing Joan!
Thank you, Sebene, for all that you are. I'm 78 and am your dedicated and loyal follower. I keep you and your health in my prayers.
Thank you Linda! That’s very kind of you. 💓🙏🏾💓
I keep telling all my middle age peers, I’m getting better with age. They usually laugh but also it gets them to think. Same page, Sebene. Same page 💜🌟💜
Yay! Thanks for the company! 💓😘💓