🌑 Erotic Disruption
it’s a new moon in leo 🌑
Early bird registration opens August 30th for my new six-week course, ANCESTORS TO ELEMENTS: Reclaiming Cosmic Belonging. The sessions will run on Zoom every Wednesday October 4 — November 15 from 6–8pm ET, with optional practice periods/Q&A on Monday afternoons. Stay tuned for more info.
Listen to me read this essay:
Hi friends
Thank you for being here. I truly appreciate your presence. And I want to take a moment to acknowledge that we do this. We connect across time and space. I tap away on my machine in Brooklyn. You read or hear these words somewhere close or far away. I say something. Consciousness gets shared (and shaped). What even is language? Also, these patterns of the planets’ orbits around the sun. Amazing, right? Just, wow! 🤩
I hope you’re finding opportunities to discover wonder and awe. They’re good medicine to support the inevitable sadness and grief at the loss and destruction all around.
I’m particularly heartbroken by the fires in Maui. Although I had been many places around the globe by then, twenty-one years ago, the only visit I’ve made to (the island of) Hawai’i is the first time I had the immediate, palpable sense of being on colonized land. Of course, this entire country exists on stolen territory. And, at one point, almost 80% of the world was violently occupied by European nations. Maybe Hawai’i made such a strong impact because I didn’t need a passport to encounter this far-away, distinct nature and language and culture. Maybe Hawai’i made an impact because my passport made me culpable. You don’t need a diagram of the last 130 years to understand the direct relationship between these devastating fires and the illegal overthrow of a sovereign government for oligarchic exploitation. The unnatural fields from former sugar plantations filled with invasive grasses brought to supply cattle farms, plus the depleted water stores vanquished by the more than 10 million tourists annually draining a fragile ecosystem (that’s visitors state wide, in an area the size of Connecticut), plus lack of infrastructure and poor preparedness despite the warnings, plus the bureaucracy, the poverty, the frustration (but also the resistance)… Anyone from the global south (especially places with beautiful beaches) is well aware of such equations. Except this is a U.S. state — or a colony masquerading as one (not that these dynamics should exist anywhere). I’ll be increasing this month’s paid subscriber donations to 20% and donating the extra half to Maui Aloha: The Peopleʻs Response through Hawai’i People’s Fund. Thank you for your support.
My full moon post on magic produced the most unsubscriptions ever in my dozen years of newsletter writing. I could not be more proud. 🥳 Will the above paragraph create a rival? Bring it on (or, rather, let them go)! In an email, one of the participants in my last course asked me how we can reclaim disruption “from the vogue of high-tech business plans.” How can we indeed? Because I feel we must. In a powerful astrology reading I received two weeks ago, the disruptive power of Uranus was mentioned a few times. I have certainly felt that trickster planet’s unsettling energy in my life these years. Who hasn’t? [No, seriously, if you haven’t, please contact me right away and tell me your secrets to the universe.] Now, more than ever, I want to consciously harness that rebellious power. I focus my writing and teaching on disrupting the oppressive patterns within me in order to dismantle the oppressive systems around us. Some of us work from the inside out. Some act from the outside in. As the polycrises of our world intensify, in-to-out and out-to-in — both directions (and every other route) will need our attention.
Since the astrological reading, I’ve been reflecting on how I can best utilize disruptive energies for personal and collective liberation in this moment. Separation, violence, domination, and oppression got us here. Maybe connection, pleasure, generosity, and care will get us out. I first wrote about the erotic many years ago. And then again not so long ago (twice). I promised I would return to this topic, let’s call it Erotic Disruption (à la Audre Lorde and adrienne maree brown). In this first re-installment, I want to talk about menopause (which may lead to even more unsubscribes – LOL).
As you may know, I was thrust into surgically-induced menopause when I was 45 and had my ovaries removed as part of cancer treatment. The ensuing symptoms made me feel like a crone from Christmas future: Look, witness what awaits you: vaginal dryness, hot flashes, and brain fog. Surgically-induced menopause is not gradual. I had no “peri” phase. Practically one day to the next my menstrual cycle disappeared. With it, the rhythmic changes that I equated with the erotic. I’m not saying this is how it is or was for all cis women or anyone else, but for decades the cycles biologically connected to baby-making were the signals I attuned to for sex. Basically, for thirty plus years, I was horniest when I was fertile, and I constructed my entire sense of the erotic around that dynamic. Eight years later, as my peers catch up to me, I am finally finding a solution to the challenges menopause (purportedly) posed for my sexual life, and, comme toujours, the solution is moi.
Even though the algorithms constantly bombard me with menopausal supplements to banish belly fat and testimonials about skin serum from Gen X celebrities and hot flash memes, I do not find many conversations about what it means for people who stop menstruating to re-attune their sex life beyond fertility. Menopause is mostly positioned as a problematic, unsexy banishment precisely because the fertility rhythm is over. I too bought into the “I don’t have a sex drive” mantra when I was no longer being driven by old patterns and urges. Now, I am experiencing the opposite. I finally realized through my own contemplations, explorations and practice (as well as the patience of a very generous lover and a skilled pelvic floor therapist) that there’s nothing wrong with me: not with the changes to my cycle, not with hot flashes, not with the weight gain, not even with the dryness. Actually, I’ve upgraded to a completely different operating system. Like going from a PC to a Mac — easier to turn on at any time, more intuitive to handle, improved design (but more lube). Why doesn’t anyone talk about the disruptive power of menopausal sex? Even our bible, Pleasure Activism, does not really address it on the chapter on aging.
This is MY experience. And I’ve been getting confirmation from friends (interestingly, also recently separated or divorced 🤔) that sex at this time is more satisfying and pleasurable. Of course, this probably has to do with maturity as much as biology. Yes, I am appreciating sex much more. I’m also thinking about it (and during it) much less. I enjoy it while it’s happening. When it’s not, I am focused on my work, my friends, my life. This erotic power does not siphon my energy into worrying about how my body looks while making love, but connects me to the liberatory possibility in feeling every sensation. This power centers presence and sovereignty rather than comparison and dependency. This power feels sacred. This power feels like it could disrupt some things…
For the next In My Experience…, I’m welcoming inquiries about erotic disruption. I’ll try and answer a few of your questions.
Until then, may we all experience pleasure in connection.
With love
Sebene
ANCESTORS TO ELEMENTS: Reclaim Your Cosmic Belonging
ANCESTORS TO ELEMENTS is an engaged & embodied six-week course about (re)discovering your unique & sacred connection to nature, mystery, and joy.
August 30th: early bird discount registration opens for newsletter subscribers only
On Zoom :: October 4 — November 15
Your honest post on Magic led me to subscribe. Thank you for sharing your magic, magic, magic!
Divorce pending, 52 y/o, and skirting right up against the menopause fulcrum, and I’m having the best sex of my life. It’s a real thing! Thank you for sharing your words and your wisdom.