Ohmygoddess I love you. I love that you did this, I wish I was there!!! One of the things that I find so provocative and inviting about your writing (and is the same in your presence) is your capacity for humour and depth all at once. To laugh and be pierced in the same sentence is such a delight and honour. What a practice, to go where the love is. I felt this deeply, the ways I’ll scan for where I’m inadequate or not received, so unhelpful!!! This week I delivered the closing act of my show to a group of women I just met and it was terrifying and enlivening. “If you’re not uncomfortable what are you even doing?” I love this so much. This feels like the assignment right now. Fucking go for it. Be the needle. I feel an overflowing and unreasonable amount of enthusiasm that you went to clown college. One day I hope to share a room with you, be ridiculous and hilarious together and belong deeply to one another and this world.
I live you Chela! Thank YOU for your kind words and years of support and this kick in the pants — that I finally jumped on! It was really fun. And I’m so proud of you!! I can’t wait for the tour of your show! East coast?!? 💛
East coast!! I’ll be performing at the Ottawa Fringe June 13-23. So a bit of a jaunt from NY. I’m super open to touring it in the states too. Haven’t thought that through, for now I’m kicking it off in Nelson BC in April, Ottawa in June, maybe some other west coast spots in the summer and plan to curate a festival on my home island in November and host some artist in residence in my home. So planting that seed if you’re working on your next book and are interested in some west coast artist immersion! I hope to get my plans and dates clean soon and will share about them! Eeep!!
I embraced my inner clown a long time ago, but loved this. I am a new reader—found you via posh Tara’s podcast—so just wanted to say that I really appreciated the language you used here: the somatic awareness, “snapped to attention“, etc. It resonated with me. Thank you.
Definitely laughing with you. I have all sorts of similar issues re vulnerability and trying to impress and I’m now seriously considering clowning. 😂 Thank you for your beautiful, honest & deeply insightful writing, Sebene xxx
I didn't laugh but I was immersed in love and appreciation for what I was witnessing. Your wisdom and honesty encourages me to take steps towards authenticity and not settle for less. My doubtful mind keeps asking if it's too late but your voice reminds me that it's not. Like you I watch the ones who are not laughing and keep looking for their approval but I am determined to walk towards love... 💙🙏💙 thank you Sebene 💟💟
Haha! I appreciate you admitting you did not laugh Roya! YES! And I’m excited to hear how your own process progresses (and I hope it involves more visual art!!).
This is reminding me of the tragic story of Robin Williams and the childhood trauma he survived by "playing the clown" and I am certain that coping strategy or mask allowed him to survive the impacts of trauma - but at a cost. I obviously am not qualified to diagnose Williams - nor did I know him personally, but I can infer he suffered greatly and protected those wounds with a great amount of humour - but again at what cost? Humour is healthy for sure - unless in rooted in survival!
Thanks for sharing this - I recently had my own IMPROV experience - and wow - was that eye opening to my own patterns and vulnerability!
Admittedly, I don’t read all the newsletters. I let some call me. I HATE clowns and love to hate on all things mime and clown, but this piece and reflection was amazing!!! Looking at the people NOT laughing. I so relate. Gawd, must I try clowning?! I shall try to be open to the possibilities. ❤️ Thank you!!
CHARMAGNE!!! That's so funny you hate clowns. I totally get it. And, I am now a true believer that each one of us has an inner clown that wants to be honored... I know yours is in there. xox
I even “made” myself laugh which is one of the ways we laugh with each other. If I think it’s funny at least one person does. lol. I wish you could hear me laughing when I write this!
I feel like I have just been allowed to go where the love is. I never even thought that a possibility it seems.
‘Mine is one single needle point of an acupuncture prick in an Earth-sized body riddled with ailments. I hope I contribute to our healing.’ The perfect encapsulation of why I’m still putting one foot in front of the other.
I loved this letter, as usual! Go where the love is feels like an especially supportive reminder. I continue to be one of the many who benefits greatly from your voice making its sound in the world. Thank you!
Ohmygoddess I love you. I love that you did this, I wish I was there!!! One of the things that I find so provocative and inviting about your writing (and is the same in your presence) is your capacity for humour and depth all at once. To laugh and be pierced in the same sentence is such a delight and honour. What a practice, to go where the love is. I felt this deeply, the ways I’ll scan for where I’m inadequate or not received, so unhelpful!!! This week I delivered the closing act of my show to a group of women I just met and it was terrifying and enlivening. “If you’re not uncomfortable what are you even doing?” I love this so much. This feels like the assignment right now. Fucking go for it. Be the needle. I feel an overflowing and unreasonable amount of enthusiasm that you went to clown college. One day I hope to share a room with you, be ridiculous and hilarious together and belong deeply to one another and this world.
I live you Chela! Thank YOU for your kind words and years of support and this kick in the pants — that I finally jumped on! It was really fun. And I’m so proud of you!! I can’t wait for the tour of your show! East coast?!? 💛
East coast!! I’ll be performing at the Ottawa Fringe June 13-23. So a bit of a jaunt from NY. I’m super open to touring it in the states too. Haven’t thought that through, for now I’m kicking it off in Nelson BC in April, Ottawa in June, maybe some other west coast spots in the summer and plan to curate a festival on my home island in November and host some artist in residence in my home. So planting that seed if you’re working on your next book and are interested in some west coast artist immersion! I hope to get my plans and dates clean soon and will share about them! Eeep!!
**googles "how far away is Ottawa?"**
Just here to say that this just might be my favorite post of yours of all. Loving you and laughing with you from the other side of the Hudson.
SHARON!!! Thank you for the kind words and so good to hear from you. xoxox Much love my friend.
I embraced my inner clown a long time ago, but loved this. I am a new reader—found you via posh Tara’s podcast—so just wanted to say that I really appreciated the language you used here: the somatic awareness, “snapped to attention“, etc. It resonated with me. Thank you.
Thank you and welcome! Tara is such a treasure. 💕💕💕
Definitely laughing with you. I have all sorts of similar issues re vulnerability and trying to impress and I’m now seriously considering clowning. 😂 Thank you for your beautiful, honest & deeply insightful writing, Sebene xxx
Hannah, do it!!! It’s such a powerful practice. Let me know if you do. 💕
I felt like I was in the audience & imagined what I would do. When I think clown, I think Charlie Chaplin.
I am no Charlie Chaplin—now I am curious.
xo & thanks
Yes, definitely Chaplin. Actually one of the more experienced clowns had a tattoo of him on their forearm! 🥸
I didn't laugh but I was immersed in love and appreciation for what I was witnessing. Your wisdom and honesty encourages me to take steps towards authenticity and not settle for less. My doubtful mind keeps asking if it's too late but your voice reminds me that it's not. Like you I watch the ones who are not laughing and keep looking for their approval but I am determined to walk towards love... 💙🙏💙 thank you Sebene 💟💟
Haha! I appreciate you admitting you did not laugh Roya! YES! And I’m excited to hear how your own process progresses (and I hope it involves more visual art!!).
Love all your letters, so different, so interesting and inspiring. xxxx
Thank you Anne. 🥰
This is awesome writing and insight!
This is reminding me of the tragic story of Robin Williams and the childhood trauma he survived by "playing the clown" and I am certain that coping strategy or mask allowed him to survive the impacts of trauma - but at a cost. I obviously am not qualified to diagnose Williams - nor did I know him personally, but I can infer he suffered greatly and protected those wounds with a great amount of humour - but again at what cost? Humour is healthy for sure - unless in rooted in survival!
Thanks for sharing this - I recently had my own IMPROV experience - and wow - was that eye opening to my own patterns and vulnerability!
Thanks Mark. Yes, definitely could see how humor could become a coping mechanism and unhelpful. And good on you to try improv. Powerful stuff!! Xox
Admittedly, I don’t read all the newsletters. I let some call me. I HATE clowns and love to hate on all things mime and clown, but this piece and reflection was amazing!!! Looking at the people NOT laughing. I so relate. Gawd, must I try clowning?! I shall try to be open to the possibilities. ❤️ Thank you!!
CHARMAGNE!!! That's so funny you hate clowns. I totally get it. And, I am now a true believer that each one of us has an inner clown that wants to be honored... I know yours is in there. xox
I even “made” myself laugh which is one of the ways we laugh with each other. If I think it’s funny at least one person does. lol. I wish you could hear me laughing when I write this!
LOL!
I love this so much!!! And I want to party with you, Jeff, and Dan!!
Thank you Lisa! I hope you can make it. xoxo
Thank you so much for sharing this Sebene ❤️
I feel like I have just been allowed to go where the love is. I never even thought that a possibility it seems.
‘Mine is one single needle point of an acupuncture prick in an Earth-sized body riddled with ailments. I hope I contribute to our healing.’ The perfect encapsulation of why I’m still putting one foot in front of the other.
Thanks for sharing Maya! Yes! One (clowning) step at a time... xox
Thank you!! This story is amazing!! I felt it so much and tried to imagine doing that. So lovely!! 💖. Happy Lunar New Year 🌟💥🐲
Thanks Marian and happy new year! xox
I just love this so so so much. ✨
Awww. Thank you Lisa. That means a lot. xoxo
Happy Year of the Wood Dragon Sebene!
Thank you!!
I loved this letter, as usual! Go where the love is feels like an especially supportive reminder. I continue to be one of the many who benefits greatly from your voice making its sound in the world. Thank you!
Thank you Elizabeth!! 💕💛💕