Listen to me read this essay:
Hi friends,
Now is the darkest time in the northern hemisphere. That pretty much sums up the end of 2024 in this country. ☹️ I know many of you don’t live here and have inner or outer realities not connected to our chaotic churning. AND, the entire world feels waves initiated or exacerbated by U.S. politics—be they ripples or tsunamis, material or metaphorical. I hope you’re safely riding rough waters, whether personal or collective, buoyed by all the beauty that surfaces on this planet. Earth is a teensy-tiny yet delight-full drop within the oneness of our cosmic ocean. One home.
Like with my last email, I feel fairly empty of ideas lately. Usually, I jot down multiple thoughts in the weeks leading up to a newsletter. These weeks, rien. I know no one is here for me spewing performatively, so I almost dug up an archive post rather than force a topic. So, no In My Experience… today. No meditation. But I did make you a collage. Also, when my friend Jeff visited earlier this week, I mentioned this lack of creative inspiration. He said I should write about my renewed dharma nerdiness. That felt like a tiny spark for a very short missive (which I may expand on some day)...
Dharma is a Sanskrit word (the Pali is dhamma) often translated as teachings and used as shorthand for the buddhadharma (the teachings of the Buddha). Dharma can also be translated as truth. A favorite dharma book of mine is Joseph Goldstein’s One Dharma. In it, he describes the contradictions of the multiple Buddhist teachers with which he’s studied. Their varying lineages have differing things to say about what exactly the mind is or what constitutes awakening or other central issues about the nature of reality and what the heck it is we are “practicing” here. The book argues that, despite deep disagreements, these Buddhism-s are merely employing their own distinct skillful means toward realizing freedom.
Since I read that (over twenty years ago!), I‘ve thought of different spiritual paths (Buddhist or otherwise, religious or creative) as trails up the same mountain. Though the routes and terrain may differ, eventually, they all connect. So, if we spend our time only looking at maps, never getting to the trail or jumping from trailhead to trailhead, never really choosing a path to actually walk/embody, we won’t get anywhere. Plus, the deeper we walk a path, the more we witness where they all meet… But/and/also, there’s nowhere and nothing to “get.” There is no trail, there is no mountain, all maps are metaphor, it’s all right here in the present moment wherever we are and whatever is happening( and even if we do get to some pereceived peak, the only thing on offer really is to jump off—then the bad news is you have no parachute and the good news is there’s no ground) because, you know, time is an illusion, the great mystery, what is even this universe?, yada yada, paradox.
Ultimately, all dharmas point to the same dharma: let it be.
At our many live Meditation Party events and in our ever-rambling conversations about practice, Jeff’s witnessed my definitive return to the buddhadharma framework (and specifically the Satipatthana Sutta—the classical teachings on the four foundations of mindfulness). Not that the instructions and structure ever drifted very far for my own meditation practice. However, unbeknownst to some, I did take a step back from teaching in western Buddhist spaces. The reasons for this are hella complex, but a primary motivation was to release the label of “dharma teacher” as my professional identification. Stepping out of that identity provided me an opportunity to embrace my many other lineages and incorporate them into my offerings. If you’ve taken a class with my in these past few years, you’ve heard my lengthy lineage acknowledgements—everything from Black feminisms to Hellenistic astrology to postcolonial theory to Baltimore’s American Visionary Art Museum. Naming and integrating these various influences helped me get more clear about my perspective, my path, and my pedagogy. My dharma.
Looking back on these years since I was re-diagnosed in 2021 and my marriage disintegrated in 2022, so. much. happened… treatments, emergencies, surgeries, betrayals, heartbreak, despair, loneliness. Also: travel, trips 😵💫, celebration, communion, insights, healing, miracles, magic… being, being, being, love, love love.
My favorite translation of dharma is nature. Which means everything. Trees and buildings, herbs and books. Us too. We are nature. Every part of us. Where we come from, where we are. What we value, what we imagine. What we deny, what we desire. Longing and anger, joy and fellowship. Waking up, falling back asleep. It’s all one dharma. One nature.
Thank you for being here friends. I never take your attention for granted and appreciate your presence. I will be away on silent retreat for the next two lunations, so I won’t be live with you again until January. I will keep comments open for everything, but, after this post, know that I won’t get to them until the new year. Wishing you a restful end of year wherever you are, attuning to your nature.
May we all find and celebrate our dharmas.
With love,
Sebene
P.S. This is not in the audio above because I found at after I recorded it… I have some good news: my tumor markers have come down a not insignificant amount. They are still way too high, but this is the right direction. My oncologist said, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but keep doing it.” I know it’s not only what I’m doing. It’s also what I am allowing, including your love and support. Thank you.
Grateful for you and especially that P.S.!
I’m always so grateful for your teachings and ruminations. I think because I have attended A2E and other of your gatherings- I have benefited immensely , and am even am beginning understand some of this stuff! 🤓 And Yesss to those markers!!! You are phenomenal! Sending much gooood energy to you. 🫶🏻💨😎